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Holy BLEEP! It's Christmas!

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Every Christmas, I try to come up with some kind of cynical song to convey feelings for the holiday.  However, I'm gradually running out!  I had to dig deep for this one.

 

 

Holy Shit!  It's Christmas!

 

 

Hamster #1: Did you hear that?

Hamster #2: Hey everybody, Santa's here!


Hamster #3: Aw, there ain't no Santa Claus.

Hamster #2: There is, too!

Hamsters: He's here!!!

Red: Ho, ho, ho...Merry Christmas!

Hamster #1: Aw shit, it's Red Peters!

Red: C'mon, you swinging hamsters, get over here. We're gonna sing us a happy Christmas song.

Hamster #3: Oh no, not another corny stupid song!

Hamster #2: Yeah no way.

Red: Get over here and sing or I'll wring your little necks.

Hamsters: Okay, okay

Red:
Grab your nuts hamsters, gather round with me.
Forget about all that teasin'.
We're breaking out the holly and aluminum tree
Cause it's that jolly season.
I know you've been naughty, but have you been nice?
That's only Santa's business
He's making his list and he's checking it twice.
All: Holy shit, it's Christmas!

Hamsters:
Santa comes just once a year
Just like you, Red. That's what we hear.
He's got a soft spot for reindeer.
Especially Rudolph's derierre.

Red:
Hey, knock it off fellas. It's a holiday.
Go on, give Santa a big kiss.
You can play "hide the hamster" on the one-horse sleigh.
All: Holy shit, it's Christmas!

Red: Hey what happened to my lyric sheet? Anyone seen my lyric sheet?

Hamster #1: Heck, we don't need no lyric sheets, Red. We know our parts by heart. Right, fellas?

Hamster #3: Yeah sure, I know my part

Hamster #2: Yeah me too

Red: Well that's great, guys. I love Christmas songs.

Godfried: Santa tried reaching up the neighbor's blouse
After drinking all the egg nog
Bruce: Camped out in the bathroom for an hour or two
Squashing off a yule log
Raleigh: He wandered in his undies all over the house
But we minded our own business
Hamsters: Til we caught him stuffing hamsters up a gift wrap tube.
All: Holy shit, it's Christmas

Red:
Santa comes just once a year.
Up the chimney he'll disappear.

Hamsters:
Keep on the lookout for Mr. Gear
Hamster deliveries in the rear

Red:
Gimme those lyrics
Roastnuts chestin' on an open fire
Santa's tongue stuck to the doorknob
His balls got fondled by a caroling choir
While the parson gave him a hand...what?
The sleigh came down and took him away.
The whole damn crowd was dismissed.

All:
It was a time to be jolly and a time to be gay.
Holy shit, it's Christmas.
Holy shit, it's Christmas.
Holy Shit! It's Christmas!

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Yeah, it's getting more and more difficult to find songs I haven't passed along yet.  I'm afraid next year I'll have to forgo trying to find a cynical song and just forward one of my favorite, lesser known "traditional" Christmas songs called The Little, Blue Bell.

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