eastcoast40nc Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 The Holy Bible describes Heaven as a beautiful place where people live forever with no death, sorrow, sickness and pain. {Revelation 21:4} Hell is described as a place of suffering forever for all those who are not saved. {Matthew 13:50} The good news is that about 2000 years ago Jesus Christ(God the Son) paid for everyone's sins or wrong doing by dying on the cross and rising from the dead after three days. {Mark 10:34} God the Son came as a sinless man. {Philippians 2:5-8} Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no one cometh unto God(The Father), but by me." {John 14:6} He is our ONLY way to God(The Father) in Heaven. The Holy Bible says, "That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God(The Father) raised Jesus Christ from the dead, you will be saved." {Romans 10:9} You should not wait until later to get saved because you may die before you get another chance and you will miss Heaven. If you want to be sure you will go to Heaven after this life is over just pray a meaningful prayer like the one below with your mouth and from your heart right now to God and you will be saved. Dear God I want to be saved. Dear Jesus Christ Son of God I want to make you my personal Lord and Savior. Please forgive me of my sins or things I have done wrong in my life. Thanks Jesus Christ for taking my punishment for my sins by shedding your sinless blood on the cross and dying for my sins. Jesus Christ I now confess you as my Lord and believe in my heart that God(The Father) raised you from the dead. Amen. If you just allowed God to save you then welcome to the family of God because you are now a Christian on your way to Heaven. Please copy and send or email this message to your friends and family so they can have a chance to be saved. Have a good day, Ronald L. Grossi http://GotQuestions.org/now-what.html << Go here if you were saved today. http://GotQuestions.org << Go here if you have any questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altercuno Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Think we've had the holy spam... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dontasciime Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Seen it all now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blutach Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Please don't delete this thread. Whenever I want a real good belly laugh, I wanna come back and read it. I wonder if LFC put this up under a pseudonym in a drunken fit? In the event he didn't, @eastcost40nc, please see the random insult generator thread. And to see God's true work on this Earth, please see the Eye Candy thread. Bloody tosser. Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dontasciime Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Please don't delete this thread. Whenever I want a real good belly laugh, I wanna come back and read it. I wonder if LFC put this up under a pseudonym in a drunken fit? In the event he didn't, @eastcost40nc, please see the random insult generator thread. And to see God's true work on this Earth, please see the Eye Candy thread. Bloody tosser. Regards Don't you'll make him Cross. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blutach Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Shouldn't that Cross be in bold donta? Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blutach Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 Anyway, this one's better than all that fire and brimstone shit. Roses are reddish Violets are blueish If it wasn't for Jesus We'd all be Jewish!!! :D (except for the Muslims, Hindus and Buddists, who make up the majority of the world anyway). :D I mean, what this tosser doesn't realise is that maybe there are in fact people out there (some who may in fact be quite religious) who don't buy the Jesus thingy. Perhaps, they are Jewish, Muslims, etc. Does this fuckhead believe the only way to salvation is via Jesus? Gimme a fuckin break, for God's sake (or for mine!). Bloody stupid tosser! Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dontasciime Posted June 10, 2007 Share Posted June 10, 2007 couldn't be arsed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamus_McFartfinger Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Why is it that religious zealots insist on trying to save the souls of the rest of us? Inadaquacy within themselves or repentance for committing acts that we atheists have managed to avoid? The Holy Bible describes Heaven as a beautiful place where people live forever with no death, sorrow, sickness and pain. {Revelation 21:4} Heaven is a place reserved for exactly 144,000 Jews and nobody else, so there's no point kidding yourself about getting there. {Revelation 7:4} Hell is described as a place of suffering forever for all those who are not saved. {Matthew 13:50} Hell is a place we are all going to go. {Matthew 7:13-50} The good news is that about 2000 years ago Jesus Christ(God the Son) paid for everyone's sins or wrong doing by dying on the cross and rising from the dead after three days. {Mark 10:34} The good news is you're going to hell with the rest of us - right after you've cut off your own hands and feet and plucked out your own eyes. {Mark 9:43-48} God the Son came as a sinless man. {Philippians 2:5-8} Philippians? Now I know you're getting desperate. Philippians is little more than a letter from Paul of Tarsus recounting what he thinks this jesus person did. Paul of Tarsus (later St Paul the Apostle) never had contact with jesus or any other fictional characters. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no one cometh unto God(The Father), but by me." {John 14:6} He is our ONLY way to God(The Father) in Heaven. And those of us who like to see before we believe are to be punished for it. {John 15:16} The Holy Bible says, "That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God(The Father) raised Jesus Christ from the dead, you will be saved." {Romans 10:9} Go fuck yourself. {Shamus 1:3} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dontasciime Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Go fuck yourself. {Shamus 1:3} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blutach Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 What were paras 1 & 2 in the Book of Shamus? Like... 1. In the beginning God created Shamus. And Shamus, was an ungrateful bastard and told God he was fuckin thirsty and to go invent beer. 2. And God, seeing that Shamus was indeed thirsty and right (if not exactly righteous), went and invented all manner of beer. And Shamus said good work bud (but I'll take this XXXX thank you very much). And Shamus said to the religious zealots .... (and now we get to the famous para 3) 3. Go fuck yourself! Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamus_McFartfinger Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 1. In the beginning there existed only the God Of The Hop. and thine god did enjoy self flagellation. and thine god did whip himself into a frenzy. and the frenzy did create beer. and the beer was good. 2. and thou beatific whipping boy did create Shamus. and Shamus did ask thine provider for a free beer. and the creator of foamings suds, the divine distiller, the prognosticator of the beverage cooler, said: 3. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevdriver Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 And on the seventh day God created Kevdriver and God burped and said Damn all that manner of beer........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blutach Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 1. In the beginning there existed only the God Of The Hop. and thine god did enjoy self flagellation. and thine god did whip himself into a frenzy. and the frenzy did create beer. and the beer was good. 2. and thou beatific whipping boy did create Shamus. and Shamus did ask thine provider for a free beer. and the creator of foamings suds, the divine distiller, the prognosticator of the beverage cooler, said: 3. Proving there no such thing as a free beer - at least to a sinner like thee! Repent now!!! (you'll still go to hell!!!!) Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirk1701™ Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 Ahh, this seems to fit right in HERE! There were four churches and a synagogue in a small Ohio town: a >> > Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic >> > church and a Jewish synagogue. >> > >> > Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels. >> > >> > The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about >> > their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined >> > the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't >> > interfere with God's divine will. >> > >> > At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the >> > baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the >> > baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked >> >> > the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice >> > as many squirrels showed up the following week. >> > >> > The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm >> > any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and >> > set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels >> > were back when the Baptists took down the water slide. >> > But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter. Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but is is romored that they took one squirrel and circumcised him, and they haven't seen asquirrel on their property since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dontasciime Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 This is Heaven This is Hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornholio7 Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 this is heaven and hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grain Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 For some reason got a great Bon Scott AC/DC song going through my head... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathater Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 I thought that stuff only showed up in my inbox after visiting adult sites. Do they sit around typing in random site names all day? "they took one squirrel and circumcised him, and they haven't seen asquirrel on their property since." keeps me away too, god didn't give me enough to shorten, just enough toget rid of used BEER and keep my pants dry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamus_McFartfinger Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 DO YOU FEEL 1IK3 A M0R0N? --------------------------------------------------------------- N0 MORE! those times are over. GET INSTANT BASTARD 100%!!!! Did you ever think..... it doesnt w0rk!? Now it does! Read on--Bastard in a can2000 this will help you GUARANTEED My friends told me: "like a moron like a moron" to which I had one reply BASTARDS 24 Hours ONLY with our Bastard in a can2000!!! Dr. Shamus McFartfinger says: "I saw it work like magic." (Shamus McFartfinger is TRUSTED source in the field.) Try it for free NOW! JUST $89... to good to be troo? I thouhgt s0 too ....at first. Try it now. CLICK HERE www.buy-bastard-in-a-can2000.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dontasciime Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Bastard I really wanted to buy some yet when I click the link page cannot be displayed. Bastard false advertising it's more like a Twats trick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamus_McFartfinger Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dontasciime Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Excellent ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lfcrule1972 Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 Now this is a great thread !!! I especially like the paper cutting Shamus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spinningwheel Posted June 12, 2007 Share Posted June 12, 2007 That's too funny Shamus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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