Womens Guide to the World Cup

[lfcrule1972]

WORLD CUP FOOTBALL - LIST OF TV RULES

 

 

Dear Wife, Partner, Girlfriend,

 

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

 

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

 

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

 

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....It won?t happen.

 

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

 

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

 

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

 

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

 

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:

a) I will not go,

b.) I will not go, and

c) I will not go.

 

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

 

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

 

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, FA Cup, etc.

 

Thank you for your cooperation.

 

[polopony]

thats pretty reasonable can't see why anyone would put up a bitch over that

[lfcrule1972]

Especially not as I have had the courtesy of pinning it up on the fridge door where the mrs will see it the most !!

[volvofl10]

BWA-HA-HA ...........bet you get the cold shoulder treatment after she's read it for an hour or two

[lfcrule1972]

Ting tong can't read volvo !!

[volvofl10]

yea....................but no, but yea, but no

[Jill]

oh shut up

[spinningwheel]

[kevdriver]

I must be having an oily moment but what the hell was all that about................

[cornholio7]

i want that one

 

 

 

watch Little Britain kev

[kevdriver]

Hey Corn, Little Britain, heard you guys talking about that before............. Don't get it here in Canadas.......Pity......... It sounds like a show here called Air Farce. Sort of tongue in cheek show taking shots at everything and everyone...... pretty hillarious at times...

[Jill]

i write the theme tune, sing the theme tune do do do dah dah dah