The 2008 Darwin Awards

[Pain_Man]

Would have posted sooner, but I spent last Friday-Saturday in the hospital with what I thought was a heart-attack . The fact that my 8 yr old girl was home and I thought I might die in front of her did not help my blood pressure.

 

Fortunately, it turned out to be a case of pleurisy. Still, for spending more than 24 hours in the hospital, the total bill is $22,000 ; or nearly a grand per hour. (One $8 pill is priced at $136!) I have two health insurance policies so I shouldn't have to pay anything. Or at least I hope so.

 

 

(Curiously, the list fails to include either Eliot Spitzer or Kwame Kilpatrick... )

 

Without further ado...

 

Eighth Place

 

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

 

Seventh Place

 

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,' accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

 

Sixth Place

 

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

 

People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

 

Fifth Place

 

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed when he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

 

Fourth Place

 

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed when he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

 

Third Place

 

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

 

 

 

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one

 

else was hurt.

 

HONORABLE MENTION

 

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

 

RUNNER UP

 

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.

 

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and the tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...

 

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.

 

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck hishead on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...

 

'Stuff happens'

[Grain]

Would have posted sooner, but I spent last Friday-Saturday in the hospital with what I thought was a heart-attack . The fact that my 8 yr old girl was home and I thought I might die in front of her did not help my blood pressure.

Fortunately, it turned out to be a case of pleurisy.

 

What exactly is pleurisy? And how are you doing now?

 

Still, for spending more than 24 hours in the hospital, the total bill is $22,000 ; or nearly a grand per hour. (One $8 pill is priced at $136!) I have two health insurance policies so I shouldn't have to pay anything. Or at least I hope so.

 

I assume your a fan of government medicare now ? Up here the bill would have been zero, irreguardless of whether you have third party insurance or not. That only helps for private rooms, TV's in your hospital room, and ambulance rides up here in the GWN. Not totally true, medicine at home isn't all covered, but the Gov keeps it cheap, alot of Americans have been buying online from Canada to save $.

[blutach]

I echo Grain's enquiries and comments, Pain Man. I guess, you especially got a chuckle out of #3 (which also "proves" that the NRA need to teach its members how to shoot).

 

I dunno about anyone else, but somehow these seem less funny and more tragic than a few years back.

 

Regards

[Altercuno]

Greetings to you pm

 

I, too am glad you still walk among us...although if you do shuffle off the old mortal coil you can carry on posting by using this...

 

Is there anybody there?

 

It would have been free here in the UK too...only problem is it would have taken 18 months to 2 years to get treatment.

 

I get a guilty pleasure from the Darwins as well...the tragedy of it almost has a cartoonish quality.

[Pain_Man]

What exactly is pleurisy? And how are you doing now?

 

It's an infection/irritation of the lining of the lungs.

 

I assume your a fan of government medicare now ? Up here the bill would have been zero, irreguardless of whether you have third party insurance or not. That only helps for private rooms, TV's in your hospital room, and ambulance rides up here in the GWN. Not totally true, medicine at home isn't all covered, but the Gov keeps it cheap, alot of Americans have been buying online from Canada to save $.

 

Not quite. And especially not Canadian-style. But I don't really want to re-ignite the old socialist vs. market-oriented healthcare debate. Each system has serious problems; and I--by far--prefer ours to yours. I think we can leave it at that.

 

And, in fact, I don't have a choice as to whether to be enrolled in Medicare. Should I drop out, I would (once I reached 67, retirement age for my generation) have to pay a 10% per year compounded for 28 years(!). So I'm stuck with it (and the $90/month premium out of my disability benefits) whether I want it or not.

 

And the Social Security Disability "premiums" were deducted from my paychecks when I worked without my consent; there's no opt out. So I see no conflict with my conservative beliefs and getting back money I'll never see otherwise. No one who knows the condition of Social Security in this country seriously believes that people under 50 will ever see a dime they paid in.

 

But practically, I am glad to have double-insurance. Our private insurance is really good. My wife's ER visit last year cost a total of $125 even though the charges were several thousand $$s. We'll just have to see how it shakes out.

Edited March 31, 2008 by Pain_Man

[Pain_Man]

I hope my answer to grain answers you as well.

 

The NRA does in fact offer gun-safety classes. If the stupid uses to which people put a tool is going to be the yardstick by which we measure its utility then we better ban cars ASAP. Your chances of being in auto accident in your lifetime is 100%. Your chances of getting shot are a tiny fraction of that.

 

Sadly, there seem to be no limits to human stupidity.

 

Here in Vegas, every year, a couple of people drive off the upper floors of casino parking garages; they are almost invariably elderly. Most of them don't get hurt, but still. If you can't see the difference between the "R" and the "D", should you really be driving?

 

One of the funniest things I ever saw (on a show called America's Dumbest Criminals)was the guy who tried to rob a liquor/convenience store. He walked it, put his "mask" on, only he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask. Watching him stumble about and trip over shit was hysterical. Even the cashier was laughing.

 

 

 

I echo Grain's enquiries and comments, Pain Man. I guess, you especially got a chuckle out of #3 (which also "proves" that the NRA need to teach its members how to shoot).

 

I dunno about anyone else, but somehow these seem less funny and more tragic than a few years back.

 

Regards

[Pain_Man]

Thanks. For a few minutes I got real scared. I don't know if my daughter simply didn't grasp the gravity of the situation or she just knew to be calm. But that's typical of my family. We're real calm during the crisis; we freak later.

 

My Dad beat the ambulance by about 90 seconds. I'm sure he helped to keep her calm. If she'd been freaking out, I couldn't have done anything to comfort her. I couldn't get off the couch.

 

If that pain was just pleurisy, I don't ever want to have a real heart attack. That shit HURT.

 

I read (can't remember where) that one of the reasons British teeth are often, er, well I don't know exactly how to put this without being insulting.

 

The gist of the story was that there are so few dentists in the UK, that most people can't access orthodontic care.

 

And I recall the story of a woman with heart disease who died in a hospital hallway because there was no cardiac surgeon available to perform a bypass.

 

And, to be fair, one could easily pull up a number of cases of patient "dumping" here in the US. That's when a private hospital either refuses to treat a patient without insurance, or gives them the least amount of care possible and transfers them to a county hospital as soon as possible (ER did an excellent episode about this). This is illegal and can lead to big lawsuits but if the patient should happen to die... And the offending hospital can always hire a battalion of $500/hr lawyers to bury some ambulance-chaser.

 

During the "Hillarycare" debate, the problem with socialist medicine was summed by a bumpersticker that read:

 

"You think Healthcare's expensive now, wait until it's free."

 

 

Greetings to you pm

 

I, too am glad you still walk among us...although if you do shuffle off the old mortal coil you can carry on posting by using this...

 

Is there anybody there?

 

It would have been free here in the UK too...only problem is it would have taken 18 months to 2 years to get treatment.

 

I get a guilty pleasure from the Darwins as well...the tragedy of it almost has a cartoonish quality.

[spinningwheel]

You think Healthcare's expensive now, wait until it's free."

 

[dontasciime]

I read (can't remember where) that one of the reasons British teeth are often, er, well I don't know exactly how to put this without being insulting

 

Excuse ME how dare you there is nothing wrong with my tooth.

[Altercuno]

Plenty of dentists here, but most of them do private work only which is very expensive.

 

You can wait to have an operation for non-fatal but very painful illness, such as hip joint replacement, which can take a year or two, or you can pay and have it the next day in the same hospital, same surgeon, same ward. Go figure...

 

People are now paying to have operations in India which is a lot cheaper...

 

I liked the gun shop Darwin & the constipated elephant one...

[Pain_Man]

The India thing has happened here as well. A couple of especially sleazy HMOs have actually sent patients to India to get heart (and other organ) transplants. The cost is something like a tenth. Law & Order actually did an ep about it.

 

A lot of Canadians come down here to surgeries they would other have to wait years for.

 

 

Dentists seem to be expensive everywhere. I let my teeth go for years. I hate going to the dentist. It's always uncomfortable and painful; I have especially sensitive teeth so it's even worse than normal. And, frankly, I didn't have the money or any insurance for years.

 

When I finally had everything lined up, I need several cavities, a cap as well as a root canal. The total was over $5000. The insurance covered a little less than 50%; we made payments to the dentist until the debt was settled.

 

The same thing happened when my daughter was hospitalized for asthma a few years back. After all was said and done we owed the hospital about $2000. Once again, they took payments. Of course, like the dentist, they didn't have any choice.

 

As long one makes what the law calls a "good faith" effort to pay, you can't be sued. Besides, as my grandma puts it, you can't get blood out of stone.

 

Despite a lot of hassling from the hospitals collection agency (are there any bigger wankers than collection agency turds? Politicians maybe), we paid what we could. Some months it was $200, others it was $25. They tried to pressure us to sign a payment agreement. I told them flat-out, "You know as well as I do you can't force us to sign anything, so stop trying. You're getting what we can afford and no more." I mentioned the state AG's office, the FTC, and talking to the TV stations and they stopped fucking with us. And we paid off the debt.

 

 

Plenty of dentists here, but most of them do private work only which is very expensive.

 

You can wait to have an operation for non-fatal but very painful illness, such as hip joint replacement, which can take a year or two, or you can pay and have it the next day in the same hospital, same surgeon, same ward. Go figure...

 

People are now paying to have operations in India which is a lot cheaper...

 

I liked the gun shop Darwin & the constipated elephant one...

[blutach]

Gee, I go to the dentist every 3 months - never miss an appointment. I reckon it's important to have healthy teeth and not going is just keeping you in the dark.

 

Regards

[Altercuno]

I go every 6 months which is whats required to stay on the NHS - it means my son's treatments free, under 18, and the cost of mine is subsidised.

 

My dental practice is run ethically by Christians which means no unnecessary treatment and fair pricing. The waiting rooms full up with bibles and they've blutacked posters to the ceiling above the dental chair saying...'Put your faith in Jesus' or some such, and telling them your a Satanist for a joke before treatment starts is probably a bad idea.

 

You read stories of people going to dentists for a filling and they have all their teeth taken out cos the dentist gets paid more for extractions.

 

And then their's these stories from women who say the dentist groped then while they were under general anesthetic

[Pain_Man]

I go every 6 months which is whats required to stay on the NHS - it means my son's treatments free, under 18, and the cost of mine is subsidised.

 

You mean one has to spend the gov't's money or they cut you off? You'd think they'd want you to save as much as possible to reduce the program's cost. Just out of curiosity--since I'm too busy to look it up at the mo'--when did the NHS start? Medicare (a kinda of similar program for those over 65 or the disable comme moi started in 1965. ("It will never cost more than $12 billion dollars," said LBJ. Last year it was nearly $90 billion. And the baby boomers are about to blow it out of the water. It'll be out of money--i.e. paying out more than the tax takes in--before 2012.)

 

Sadly, there's always some scumbag doctor or dentist who takes advantage of a helpless woman. I can't imagine how a woman must feel after something like that. As a husband I'd want to snap his neck. But being in the joint for 25 to life wouldn't help one's wife.

 

My dentist is a Mormon. But he never mentions it unless you ask him about it. Surprisingly, Las Vegas has one of the largest populations of Mormons of any US city. In fact, both of our senators are Mormons. In fact, they were the first American settlers of the Las Vegas Valley . Great irony, eh? Since the things Vegas is best known for, gambling, sexy shows and free booze are all off-limits for practicing Mormons.

 

and telling them your a Satanist for a joke before treatment starts is probably a bad idea

 

Yeah, I try to refrain from ennumerating the ways in which Mormonism resembles a cult. Not a good idea to insult a man whose going to have razor sharp instruments next to your carotid and jugular veins. It falls under science fiction writer Larry Nevin's tonge-in-cheek set of personal "laws",

 

Niven's Law No. 1: Never throw shit at an armed man.

 

The Hand That Rocks the Cradle...watch out if Rebecca DeMornay applies for your nanny position.

 

 

I go every 6 months which is whats required to stay on the NHS - it means my son's treatments free, under 18, and the cost of mine is subsidised.

 

My dental practice is run ethically by Christians which means no unnecessary treatment and fair pricing. The waiting rooms full up with bibles and they've blutacked posters to the ceiling above the dental chair saying...'Put your faith in Jesus' or some such, and telling them your a Satanist for a joke before treatment starts is probably a bad idea.

 

You read stories of people going to dentists for a filling and they have all their teeth taken out cos the dentist gets paid more for extractions.

 

And then their's these stories from women who say the dentist groped then while they were under general anesthetic

Edited April 4, 2008 by Pain_Man

[Pain_Man]

I hate it. I like my dentist as well the hygenist. (The two receptionists are quite cute, er, sheilas, isn't that an Aussie equivalent of "chick" or "bird"?)

 

But ever since my avoidance of it cost me $5000 and lot of discomfort and pain, I no longer fight my wife about the bi-annual check up.

 

Gee, I go to the dentist every 3 months - never miss an appointment. I reckon it's important to have healthy teeth and not going is just keeping you in the dark.

 

Regards

[Altercuno]

I think the NHS started after WWII in the wake of big social need. I grew up in the slums of Londons East End in the 50's & 60's and saw it first hand, limited healthcare and housing and even food was rationed - at least during the 50's. I used to play on the old bomb sites in half standing buildings.

 

So far as dentists go this story was in the papers last week...

 

DIY Dentist

 

I like Mormons and often see them walking around town in black suits with name badges calling themselves brother something or other. My belief is they go in pairs in case one succumbs to the temptation of women and drinking and of course everybody knows the Mormon faiths funded by Vagas gambling $

[blutach]

Umm... my dentist is a real one - they all are here. My guy has MDDSs from unis in India (his place of birth), NZ, and somewhere else. While I am sure backyard dentists appear elsewhere, I have not heard of them here.

 

Regards

[Pain_Man]

Every three months? Eeek! In the US we go every six for cleanings and x-rays, a check by the dentist to see if anything more major needs to be done.

 

I need to have one done soon. Fortunately, our insurance pays for the cleanings 100%. Cheaper to prevent cavities than to pay for fillings.

 

 

Gee, I go to the dentist every 3 months - never miss an appointment. I reckon it's important to have healthy teeth and not going is just keeping you in the dark.

 

Regards

[Pain_Man]

"MDDS"?

 

DDS is easy, Doctor of Dental Surgery. What's the "M" stand for?

 

The first two years of dental school are identical to the first two yrs of med school.

 

Umm... my dentist is a real one - they all are here. My guy has MDDSs from unis in India (his place of birth), NZ, and somewhere else. While I am sure backyard dentists appear elsewhere, I have not heard of them here.

 

Regards

[Pain_Man]

I think the NHS started after WWII in the wake of big social need. I grew up in the slums of Londons East End in the 50's & 60's and saw it first hand, limited healthcare and housing and even food was rationed - at least during the 50's. I used to play on the old bomb sites in half standing buildings.

 

Sir John Keegan, the world's greatest military historian also relates how grim things were in Britain in the immediate post-war years. Eddie Izzard (whom I have tickets to see in July) also does a riff on that. "We were fucked!"

 

Obviously, things have gotten better. The UK's the number one foreign investor in the US (and always has been as far as I can tell; you guys paid for our railroads; we defaulted on the bonds, your investors got screwed, we kept the railroads).

Followed by the Netherlands; Queen Beatrix is said to be worth even more than Elizabeth II. (In the mid-Eighties, Fortune magazine estimated Liz's wealth at US$12 billion. Given the fact that money doubles every 10 yrs @7% compounded, she's got to be worth close to $30b; which means ol' Beatrix must be giving Buffet and Gates a run for their, uh, money.

 

I like Mormons and often see them walking around town in black suits with name badges calling themselves brother something or other. My belief is they go in pairs in case one succumbs to the temptation of women and drinking and of course everybody knows the Mormon faiths funded by Vagas gambling $

 

They are a strange lot, that's for sure. And they are all over Sin City. As I wrote earlier, they were the first American settlers in the Vegas valley (a large, well-watered "wash" runs thru the valley creating a fertile meadow, vega is Spanish for meadow).

 

They control the City of North Las Vegas. A running joke is that you have to be Mormon to even get a city job with NLV. The Mayor's brother is police chief, that kind of thing.

 

One thing I've noticed over the, uh, decades (I grew up in San Diego which also has quite a few Mormons as well as one of those architectural horrors they call "temples"), is that people who are born into Mormonism have serious emotional and, usually, dope problems as well; one of my best friends in h.s. was a perfect example of this. As a corollary, they party their asses off. Then they go back to feeling guilty...round and round and round.

 

Those that "convert" to it in later life seem to be much stabler. I even had a boss one time (co-incidentally he grew up here) who was a convert, one of the best bosses I ever had.

 

And, unlike those "goddamn Jehovah's Witnesses" (don't blame me; some writer put that line in Faye Dunaway's mouth in Superman III--a cinematic horror, Mormon missionaries are actually polite. They even go away when you tell them to w/o all the arguing you typically get from the JWs.

 

Mormonism is more than a little like a cult and it's definitely not a Christian sec. Interested in the details on that, PM me. Or check out that South Park episode All About Mormons.