Leptospirosis & Soda Cans

[dbminter]

bank details on the way !!

 

 

Yes! YES! Oh, my god! Some sucker finally agreed to it!

 

[lfcrule1972]

Apparently the easiest way to set this up is for me to Telegraphic Transfer $1 to your bank and then you will have a copy of my bank details on your statement.

 

Please provide me with these details so that I may assist you with your predicament.

[dbminter]

$1 will be fine. Unfortunately, due to the rising costs of gas, I will need gas money to go to the bank to get it. Please send $512.32 so I may get half a tank of gas, please.

[lfcrule1972]

wtf are you driving ?? An Abrams tank ??

[dbminter]

No, a Segway, but, gas is so expensive now that's how much I'd pay. Of course, we here in the States have had a good run of prices here because we aren't taxed to death (YET!) for gas like many places in Europe.

[spinningwheel]

a Segway

 

 

errrrrm..I thought they were electric????

[Movie Junkie]

a Segway

 

 

errrrrm..I thought they were electric????

He has an older model.

[spinningwheel]

[lfcrule1972]

Don't forget spinner if you want to see an end to this db randomness we are collecting monies for db's repeat prescription to be filled.....

[Pain_Man]

I second that Shamus, I get a shitload of those kinds of things from friends, co-workers and relatives, I debunk it on Snopes and reply to all with the link for them to see it is BS.

 

 

MYM

 

 

I second the second and third the third.

[Pain_Man]

You can have my Yahoo! Mail account which I've had since 1997. I average 5000+ SPAMs a month, everything from the aforementioned Swedish-made penis enlargers (which they now sell in my pharmacy!) to the Nigerian bank scam to watching "hot slut and donkey action!!!!"

 

Bizarrely, many of these spams contain nothing at all. Just a bunch of addresses, usually nonsense, and maybe some completely random collection of letters, but often just...nuthin'. Can't these people do something useful, like steal cars? At least that keeps the insurance companies in business. SPAM just pisses people off.

 

Has anyone EVER bought something because of spam? (Seriously...)

 

 

 

I still feel like I'm missing out. Not a single spam in 3 years. What if I really want my genitals to be 22 times larger than they are now? Or become rich beyond my wildest dreams? What if I want to spray pheremones all over myself and attract "hot, sexy women" in my local area? Perhaps I really need that rectal lube to improve my health or to hand out my bank details so some poor fooker overseas has somewhere to place his squandered millions. Alas, it is not to be.

[Pain_Man]

I haven't visited Snopes in a while. Being the sceptical, baby-killing atheist that I am, there's not a lot I place a great deal of merit in. Penis enlargement pills, fundamentalists and psychics least of all.

 

 

Fundamentalist penis-enlarging baby-killers? Maybe that all that dope I did in the 60s really did fry my brain. Except that I wasn't born until 1970. See what I mean. Brain = gone.

[Pain_Man]

I wish I could take all the credit for that other case. But, I only had the feeling that it "sounded too good to be true." So, I figured it probably didn't happen and then thought of reasons why it probably wouldn't. I should have thought to check snopes.com because I've used it many times before to search up on things like giant camel spiders in Iraq. But, spinningwheel thought of it first.

 

 

Taking nothing from 'Wheel, it was you that turned me on to snopes. And after being embarassed --not intentionally I'm sure--by putting the--unknown to me--hoary "celebratin' Arabs" story I decided to check this story when my wife sent me the email.

 

My little voice said, "Bullshit!!" Sho' nuff, Little Voice was right as he almost always is ('cept, of course, when he isn't).

[Pain_Man]

I sense you doubt our powers... There! I have proven that divine powers of mind reading (Those of us who practice it call it Karnac.) exists! Without a doubt, argument won. Psychics, one; doubting, farting digits 0.

I assume you've applied for the $1,000,000 reward offered by The Skeptics Society? No?

 

 

No, I haven't applied yet, however, since I am astral projection through the Fourth Dimension, I already have in the future and claimed the prize by reviving Houdini from the dead. Even he, who helped set up such a fund, had to admit, it was a fair cop and pretty damn good trick!

 

 

OH STOP IT! Be honest with these good folks. I got there thirty seconds after you revived Houdini and hit him with my Super Death Ray. Hah! You shoulda seen the look on your face.

 

That's whatcha get for stealing My Time-Travel Suppositories! #39;(

[Pain_Man]

You've just had your prescription refilled, haven't you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, he just nicks mine.

[Pain_Man]

I could use it actually, for that goddamn $87 "reconnect" fee for a simple prescription.

 

 

BTW, that phrase I used actually has a meaning. It was part of a series of 10 phrases used in 1940's radio to test potential announcers to see how well they could speak and be understood.

 

 

Only YOU would know some shit like that.

 

And that's saying something considering the amount of utterly useless (and profitless) trivia floating around in my gray matter.

 

But hey, if it wasn't for useless stuff , what would there be worth knowing?

[Pain_Man]

In a way. My father was the late Minister Of Scams to the almighty, his majesty King Missassah Mfube Ntamya, former queen of Nigeria before hisher ousting in an unlawfully legal coup. Before heshe was forced to leave office, heshe hid away $80 million ($80,000,000) USD up the urethra. All I need is access to a small seed fee to get at hisher small seeds and get the money. I will gladly give you 15% of this total in exchange, in addition to reimbursement of the few minor fees such as airline travel. Afterwards, though, I will find you, beat you up, and take it all back. But, surely, in the name of the poor, the starving, God, and 9-11, you can help me help you help myself, right?

 

 

Hey, I bought the right to that scam! It's mine. Hands off. I didn't pay $20,000 to get scammed.

 

BTW, we'll close escrow on your 10% of the Brooklyn Bridge toll concessions Monday--esp since your check cleared Friday. One thing though, why is the name Mildred Bilschneckenheimer on your check? Oh well, FI. It cashed.

[Pain_Man]

No, a Segway, but, gas is so expensive now that's how much I'd pay. Of course, we here in the States have had a good run of prices here because we aren't taxed to death (YET!) for gas like many places in Europe.

 

 

We're gettting close. 50 cents of the price of every gallon of gas is Federal tax. Some tax-hell states like CA and MD add another 35 or 40 cents to that.

 

Thus taxes, in many places, make up %25 of the cost of a gallon of gas.

 

The kook leftwing dildos are demanding the oil companies "cut their profits." How 'bout goverhment cuts its profits with a tax moritorium!? Congress could cut the price of gas by 50 cents tomorrow if the aforementioned leftwing dildos (or is it dildoes? Have to ask Al Franken since he's the president of the club) would get the hell out of the way.

 

Here's a concept: we have literally trillions of barrels of oil under our own soil. This is going to be a real shocker. Make sure you're sitting down....

 

Why not do what the Brits do, the Norwegians do, the Mexicans do and soon the Canadians AND DRILL OUR OWN GODDAMNED OIL?!?!?!?!.

 

Two words: Liberal dildos!

 

Fuck the environment, DRILL FOR OIL.

 

If we got together with the Europeans, Japan and China and told OPEC, "You assholes will get $10 a barrel and like it" what would they do?

 

OPEC can't drink it, can't eat and can't fuck it, what else are they going to do with it? Take what we're paying.

 

But nooooo. We let the most pissant, miserable shit-hole countries (excepting Britain, Norway and Canada of course) dictate the price of oil to the richest, most powerful countries on Earth with three of them possessing nuclear weapons (US, France, China).

 

In 500 years, hell in 100 years, books will be written called, "$70 a Barrel For Oil: What Dumbfucks Our Great-Grandparents Were"

Edited May 9, 2006 by Pain_Man

[lfcrule1972]

Erm I think the UK has one or two weapons too - but nice rant anyway !!

[dbminter]

a Segway

 

 

errrrrm..I thought they were electric????

He has an older model.

 

 

On the contrary! I have a newer, gas-hybrid electric corn ethonol fueled Segway. It's fact, it's called the Segue Segway, since it is the bridge to the new generation.

[dbminter]

Erm I think the UK has one or two weapons too - but nice rant anyway !!

 

 

No, a brand new model see through pistol does not count as a nuclear weapon...

[dbminter]

Bizarrely, many of these spams contain nothing at all. Just a bunch of addresses, usually nonsense, and maybe some completely random collection of letters, but often just...nuthin'. Can't these people do something useful, like steal cars? At least that keeps the insurance companies in business. SPAM just pisses people off.

 

 

Yes, I, too, have been perplexed by this sudden generation of new blank Spam. I mean, if there's no come on, how does a Spammer make any money? My only guess is they hope you'll be so confused you have to wonder what is at the other end of that address and click it.

[dbminter]

 

You've just had your prescription refilled, haven't you?

 

 

No, he just nicks mine.

 

 

No, I tend to stay away from sweet smelling medicines you must burn in order to take as prescribed.

[dbminter]

But nooooo. We let the most pissant, miserable shit-hole countries (excepting Britain, Norway and Canada of course) dictate the price of oil to the richest, most powerful countries on Earth with three of them possessing nuclear weapons (US, France, China).

 

 

Actually, we don't possess nuclear weapons. For about 20 years now, we've had nookular weapons. They're stored at our public liberies. Ah, the laziness of the public school system!

[dbminter]

BTW, that phrase I used actually has a meaning. It was part of a series of 10 phrases used in 1940's radio to test potential announcers to see how well they could speak and be understood.

 

 

Only YOU would know some shit like that.

 

 

 

Not only that, but, the entire list of ten phrases was turned into a song called "One Hen, Two Ducks" and performed by people such as Jerry Lewis.

 

 

One hen

 

Two ducks

 

Three squawking geese

 

Four limerick oysters

 

Five corpulent porpoises

 

Six pair of Don Alverzo's tweezers

 

Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array

 

Eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt

 

Nine apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic, old men on roller skates with a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth

 

Ten lyrical, spherical diabolical denizens of the deep who hall stall around the corner of the quo of the quay of the quivery, all at the same time.

 

 

I only had problems with the 8 brass monkeys and stumbled over the phrase hall stall, because, what the Hell's that?!