Strange Signs Found in England

[Movie Junkie]

In a laundromat:

Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

 

In a london department store:

Bargain Basement Upstairs

 

In an office:

Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

 

In another office:

After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

 

On a church door:

This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)

 

Outside a second hand shop:

We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.

 

Quicksand Warning:

Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

 

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:

Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

 

In a health food shop window:

Closed due to illness.

 

Spotted in a safari park:

Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

 

Seen during a conference:

For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

 

Notice in a field:

The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

 

Message on a leaflet:

If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

 

On a repair shop door:

We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)

 

Spotted in a toilet in a london office block:

Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

[dbminter]

Reminds me of the lunch room from my elementary school days: Eat everything on your plate before trading food.

[Movie Junkie]

Reminds me of the lunch room from my elementary school days: Eat everything on your plate before trading food.

Exactly.

[dbminter]

In another office:

After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

 

"Did you say 'mattress to Mr. Lambert? I did you ask you not to say 'mattress' now, didn't I? Now, I've got to stand in the tea chest! AND, DID THOSE FEET IN ANCIENT TIMES WALK UPON ENGLAND'S MOUNTAINS GREEN? AND WAS THE HOLY LAMB OF GOD ON ENGLAND'S PLEASANT-"

 

Spotted in a toilet in a london office block:

Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

 

 

Above a urinal: "Installed by Johnson's Fine Ceramics: we aim to please. Would you aim, too, please?" <--- I admit it; swiped from Benny Hill, with embellishments.

[Movie Junkie]

"Did you say 'mattress to Mr. Lambert? I did you ask you not to say 'mattress' now, didn't I? Now, I've got to stand in the tea chest! AND, DID THOSE FEET IN ANCIENT TIMES WALK UPON ENGLAND'S MOUNTAINS GREEN? AND WAS THE HOLY LAMB OF GOD ON ENGLAND'S PLEASANT-"

 

You haven't taken your medication yet today, have you DB?

 

(Speaking in a whisper to the rest of the members here, MJ says..."and after DB takes his medicine this is what happens."

 

 

 

[dbminter]

Someone doesn't know their Python routines.

[Movie Junkie]

Someone doesn't know their Python routines.

I must say that I know some of the Monty Python routines but not all of them (and not that last one).

[lfcrule1972]

Its ok most of the Python stuff is I only like the films.....

[Shamus_McFartfinger]

Pssst! Beard, madam?

[lfcrule1972]

!!

 

"Are there any women here today ?"

[dbminter]

"No, no, no! It's spelled Raymond Luxury Yatch, but, it's pronounced Throat Warbler Mangrove!"