Former Village People cop on America's Most Wanted!

[dbminter]

I've heard they cut a little close there...

[lfcrule1972]

It did smart a bit - the old short back and (in)sides !!

[Pain_Man]

Who's is it ? Would be mine - had the snip a couple of years ago so I know I am safe and sound !!!

 

 

Couple of years you're probably safe. But you've got to, ah, empty the vesicles what 50 times before you're "safe." My uncle didn't wait long enough. The result? My 14 year old nephew.

[Pain_Man]

It did smart a bit - the old short back and (in)sides !!

 

 

The little woman's argument is that "it's major surgery for me."

 

My argument is, if the gyno's been on a three day coke binge and screws up you don't end up eunuch'd. If the urologist has been on a three day coke binge and screws up, I'm singing soprano and playing sad fucking celibate harmonica.

 

She still doesn't buy it.

 

So one of these days, I guess I'll be placing the ultimate trust in someone: putting my nuts in their hands--literally. Personally, I prefer the metaphor. But metaphors don't stop babies.

 

My old man had the snip after my little brother was born. Guess he figured four kids was enough. One of my brothers died shortly after birth. Years before I was born. Something I didn't hear about until I was about 30.

 

'Bout then, the old man got confessional. Suddenly announced to the family he'd been drafted by the Yankees out of high school. Went to one of their minor league teams and got cut after six weeks. (The equivalent, I suppose, for soccer--don't even get me started on "cricket," the name alone is enough to cause paroxysms of giggles--would be starting at Manchester United, getting cut and not getting a chance to improve one's game at other franchises.)

 

His girlfriend--not my Mom--lied about being pregnant. In 1961, you didn't run off on a pregnant girlfriend. You married her. Which he did. By the time he discovered the lie, she was pregnant with my half-brother. So he never had a chance to improve with teams of a lesser caliber.

 

To think I didn't find out my Dad could have been playing with the Mick, Marris, Cofax, Drysdale, Hank Aaron. I realize these names probably don't mean jack to you Brits. But trust me, they are the legends of "sport" (as you call it).

 

Now we know where my brother got the ability to throw 90mph (145kph) fastballs at age 11.

 

At the risk of straining the "Special Relationship" there just isn't anybody in soccer to compare to the Mick or Henry Aaron (751 HR with NO steroids? The awesome nature of that achievement eclipes every other record in any other sport, period). Charlie Hussle (aka Pete Rose)'s 4000+ hits comes close (I was priveleged enough to see him hit his 3000th hit in person).

Edited April 15, 2006 by Pain_Man

[dbminter]

My father had said his major regret was he just never thought the procedure through before agreeing to it. Because, obviously, it requires anesthetic. LOCAL anesthetic. He said he just never thought about it, but, it comes with the territory: a shot to the balls.

[Pain_Man]

My father had said his major regret was he just never thought the procedure through before agreeing to it. Because, obviously, it requires anesthetic. LOCAL anesthetic. He said he just never thought about it, but, it comes with the territory: a shot to the balls.

 

 

Women just don't understand the, ah, gravity of contemplating laser sharpened surgical steel slicing into a nut satchel.

 

If sterilizing them involved potential breast atrophy they'd be a lot more sympathetic.

 

Besides, what if I'm seduced by the heiress to a multi-billion dollar fortune who wants to sweep me away to a tropical paradise and produce half a dozen kids? I have to keep my options open. Billionairesses proposition me all the time. I'm just waiting for the right one to come along so I can ditch my family and live in sybaritic luxury until I die of pleasure.

 

Hey, a guy's got to have a dream, doesn't he?

 

Of course, that just about guarantees the proverbial night on the couch.