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Merry Christmas, you suckers!


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A bit late with my annual bit of holiday cynicism.  However, I've been sick since Monday and may still be so over Christmas.  This year, I reached into a classic I've quoted a few times here:


Merry Christmas you suckers, you miserable men

That old festive season is with you again

You'll be spending your money on cartloads of junk

and from here to New Year, you'll be drunk as a skunk


Merry Christmas you suckers, it's perfectly clear

that you fall for it all a bit sooner each year

If it goes on like this, you will find pretty soon

you're singing "White Christmas" as early as June


This Christmas card racket will cost you a packet

Each season it seems to expand

The cards are so clever, though nothing whatever

to do with the subject in hand


You'll be taking the kids 'round to multiple stores

to be frightened to death by some old Santa Claus

Then it's parties with spirits and vino and beer

Merry Christmas you suckers, and a happy New Year


Merry Christmas you suckers, you bleary eyed lot

You'll never get rid of that headache you've got

but I hope you feel splendid, you certainly should

with your stomachs distended with turkey and pudd


Merry Christmas you suckers, jump into your cars

Roar off to your neighbors to sink a few jars

Though your vision is double, just keep smiling through

There are others in trouble a lot worse than you


Beyond any question, acute indigestion

will plague you and make you unwell

You won't take the warning, you'll wake up each morning

undoubtedly feeling like hell


But stick to it suckers, go swallow a pill

for this is the season of peace and good will

While we patiently wait for that nuclear blast

Merry Christmas you suckers, it may be your last

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Happy Holidays Everyone!

And get well soon, wish you the best of health during this time of year!


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