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Holy BLEEP! It's Christmas!


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Every Christmas, I try to come up with some kind of cynical song to convey feelings for the holiday.  However, I'm gradually running out!  I had to dig deep for this one.



Holy Shit!  It's Christmas!



Hamster #1: Did you hear that?

Hamster #2: Hey everybody, Santa's here!

Hamster #3: Aw, there ain't no Santa Claus.

Hamster #2: There is, too!

Hamsters: He's here!!!

Red: Ho, ho, ho...Merry Christmas!

Hamster #1: Aw shit, it's Red Peters!

Red: C'mon, you swinging hamsters, get over here. We're gonna sing us a happy Christmas song.

Hamster #3: Oh no, not another corny stupid song!

Hamster #2: Yeah no way.

Red: Get over here and sing or I'll wring your little necks.

Hamsters: Okay, okay

Grab your nuts hamsters, gather round with me.
Forget about all that teasin'.
We're breaking out the holly and aluminum tree
Cause it's that jolly season.
I know you've been naughty, but have you been nice?
That's only Santa's business
He's making his list and he's checking it twice.
All: Holy shit, it's Christmas!

Santa comes just once a year
Just like you, Red. That's what we hear.
He's got a soft spot for reindeer.
Especially Rudolph's derierre.

Hey, knock it off fellas. It's a holiday.
Go on, give Santa a big kiss.
You can play "hide the hamster" on the one-horse sleigh.
All: Holy shit, it's Christmas!

Red: Hey what happened to my lyric sheet? Anyone seen my lyric sheet?

Hamster #1: Heck, we don't need no lyric sheets, Red. We know our parts by heart. Right, fellas?

Hamster #3: Yeah sure, I know my part

Hamster #2: Yeah me too

Red: Well that's great, guys. I love Christmas songs.

Godfried: Santa tried reaching up the neighbor's blouse
After drinking all the egg nog
Bruce: Camped out in the bathroom for an hour or two
Squashing off a yule log
Raleigh: He wandered in his undies all over the house
But we minded our own business
Hamsters: Til we caught him stuffing hamsters up a gift wrap tube.
All: Holy shit, it's Christmas

Santa comes just once a year.
Up the chimney he'll disappear.

Keep on the lookout for Mr. Gear
Hamster deliveries in the rear

Gimme those lyrics
Roastnuts chestin' on an open fire
Santa's tongue stuck to the doorknob
His balls got fondled by a caroling choir
While the parson gave him a hand...what?
The sleigh came down and took him away.
The whole damn crowd was dismissed.

It was a time to be jolly and a time to be gay.
Holy shit, it's Christmas.
Holy shit, it's Christmas.
Holy Shit! It's Christmas!
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Yeah, it's getting more and more difficult to find songs I haven't passed along yet.  I'm afraid next year I'll have to forgo trying to find a cynical song and just forward one of my favorite, lesser known "traditional" Christmas songs called The Little, Blue Bell.

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