dbminter Posted December 10, 2016 Posted December 10, 2016 Every Christmas, I try to come up with some kind of cynical song to convey feelings for the holiday. However, I'm gradually running out! I had to dig deep for this one. Holy Shit! It's Christmas! Hamster #1: Did you hear that?Hamster #2: Hey everybody, Santa's here! Hamster #3: Aw, there ain't no Santa Claus.Hamster #2: There is, too!Hamsters: He's here!!!Red: Ho, ho, ho...Merry Christmas!Hamster #1: Aw shit, it's Red Peters!Red: C'mon, you swinging hamsters, get over here. We're gonna sing us a happy Christmas song.Hamster #3: Oh no, not another corny stupid song!Hamster #2: Yeah no way.Red: Get over here and sing or I'll wring your little necks.Hamsters: Okay, okayRed:Grab your nuts hamsters, gather round with me.Forget about all that teasin'.We're breaking out the holly and aluminum treeCause it's that jolly season.I know you've been naughty, but have you been nice?That's only Santa's businessHe's making his list and he's checking it twice.All: Holy shit, it's Christmas!Hamsters:Santa comes just once a yearJust like you, Red. That's what we hear.He's got a soft spot for reindeer.Especially Rudolph's derierre.Red:Hey, knock it off fellas. It's a holiday.Go on, give Santa a big kiss.You can play "hide the hamster" on the one-horse sleigh.All: Holy shit, it's Christmas!Red: Hey what happened to my lyric sheet? Anyone seen my lyric sheet?Hamster #1: Heck, we don't need no lyric sheets, Red. We know our parts by heart. Right, fellas?Hamster #3: Yeah sure, I know my partHamster #2: Yeah me tooRed: Well that's great, guys. I love Christmas songs.Godfried: Santa tried reaching up the neighbor's blouseAfter drinking all the egg nogBruce: Camped out in the bathroom for an hour or twoSquashing off a yule logRaleigh: He wandered in his undies all over the houseBut we minded our own businessHamsters: Til we caught him stuffing hamsters up a gift wrap tube.All: Holy shit, it's ChristmasRed:Santa comes just once a year.Up the chimney he'll disappear.Hamsters:Keep on the lookout for Mr. GearHamster deliveries in the rearRed:Gimme those lyricsRoastnuts chestin' on an open fireSanta's tongue stuck to the doorknobHis balls got fondled by a caroling choirWhile the parson gave him a hand...what?The sleigh came down and took him away.The whole damn crowd was dismissed.All:It was a time to be jolly and a time to be gay.Holy shit, it's Christmas.Holy shit, it's Christmas.Holy Shit! It's Christmas!
dbminter Posted December 15, 2016 Author Posted December 15, 2016 Yeah, it's getting more and more difficult to find songs I haven't passed along yet. I'm afraid next year I'll have to forgo trying to find a cynical song and just forward one of my favorite, lesser known "traditional" Christmas songs called The Little, Blue Bell.
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