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Oh dear LFC!


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Oooopppps! A tad premature methinks.

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A friend in Ireland sent me that on the Thursday after the match :lol: A definite case of not counting your chickens before they are hatched I think :doh:


and a sure way to jinx the team also :wacko:

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Oooopppps! A tad premature methinks


funnily enough his Mrs said the same thing about him to me the other night :rolleyes: and i dont think she was on about the open top bus :whistling:


She does often say it's the same size as a double decker bus tho volvo !! :D

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Excuse me, I'm looking for the 'Lets try and wind up lfc' thread. Is this the place?


Did you hear about the airline pilot who announced during a flight...'Ladies & Gentlemen...we are now flying over Liverpool, please hide all you valuables and hold on to your wallets. Thank you...'


Only joking mate... :D

Edited by Altercuno
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The wheels & the plane donta...


Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that despite being 72 years of age he could still have sex 3 times a night.


Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show Cilla said, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun.


So they went back to her place. After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.


Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my bawls in your left hand and ma wullie in your right hand".


Cilla looks a bit perplexed but says "alright chuck".


He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before. Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......."


"I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun".


Cilla complies with the routine. The results are absolutely mind blowing.


Once it's all over they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette, and Cilla asks "Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer dat much?"


Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I shlept with a scouser , the bitch stole ma wallet!"

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On a roll now... :D


What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?

A burglar.


What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.


What do you call a scouser in a suit?

The accused.


If you see a Scouser on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?

It might be your bike.


Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?

Because if it walked it would be mugged.


Why is the Anfield Stadium Grass so green?

Because every week Liverpool put millions of pounds worth of shit on it.

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